Hello!! My name is Niina H. I am 20 years old. I am a Kumamoto Gakuen University student. I study about English particularly. Now, I would like to introduce myself.
First, about my family. There are 5 people in my family, my father, my mother, my older brother, my older sister and me. My father is a taxi driver. If you use taxi, please use Kumamoto Taxi:) My mother is a nurse. I respect her. My older brother works as dispatch. My older sister works at the company of removal of hair. There is a member of my family which I must not forget. It is my dog, Maru!! The kind of dog is Pekinese. He is about 2 years old. He is very cute!! I love him very much! But...he is a little fat! I think I let him diet.
Second, about my favorite things. I like clothes. I always say "I want many clothes." When I go shopping, I always drop in at some clothes shop. My favorite clothes shop are EMSEXCITE, INGNI, LOVE JUNKIE and so on. I like foods. Especially, fried chicken I love it X)!! I also like sweets. For example, rare cheese cake, chocolate and ice cream. Everything is delicious, but I will be fat if I eat them much, so I am keeping off them;(
Third, my hobby is listening to music. I always listen to music when I take a walk with dog. Though I often listen to J-pop, I sometimes listen to Western music. For example, Avril Lavigne, Mariah Carey and Britney spears. The western music are very cool! So I love them. Also, J-pop singers which I often listen to are Amuro Namie, BoA, TOHOSHINKI, Shimizu Shota and so on. As I also like Karaoke, I often sing their songs in karaoke. Please tell me your favorite music. I will finish introducing myself. Thank you for reading it.
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[322 words]
Hi Niina,
返信削除This seems to be your first draft essay, Essay 1-01a, due April 12. I imagine you got no comments from classmates, because it wasn't available time for commenting during our class meeting on April 14.
They may not be able to find it at all, if you don't add appropriate labels such as "drafts, essays, ..." to it. Even so, you still need to revise it.
At the very least, Essay 1-01b, a separate post due April 19, should show clear paragraph divisions. That is, you should enter two line returns between paragraphs, to make it easy to see your main points.
The post for your revised essay (1-01b) also should include more information than this first draft (Essay 1 Self introduction, April 14), and it should have three or more labels: "essays, graphics, revisions, ...." The "graphics" label will be appropriate for the mind map graphic that i asked you to prepare and include in Essay 1-01b on April 28.
Cheers, PB